Here's my soapbox:
I can't stand when people complain about other moms and the decisions they make with their children. Before I would not think much about it, maybe join in sometimes about how horrible it was that so and so let their child cry five minutes before taking them out of church, etc. Now being a mom, I know about the decisions you are bombarded with daily and the pure exhaustion of wondering what to do in every situation with this living breathing thing you are responsible for. It's something you cannot comprehend unless you have been through it. Alot of times people say things about parents with ignorance, they have never experienced how hard it is to raise a child so they feel it necessary to put their two cents in. I think as parents, we should all give someone the benefit of the doubt. We can assume the thought of standing up and walking to the nursery only to be faced with the same face that came and got you out of class on Wednesday night because your child was crying might be difficult for that mom or dad. We don't know everyone's situation. We don't know their mentality at the moment they make a decision we think it poor. Let's assume their choices are with good intention.
Never again will I intentionally say anything or allow it to be said in my presence about how someone is parenting their child. People handle things differently and there are some moms who handle a screaming baby with ease. I can't. I get completely overwhelmed and search for a solution to this problem. Hopefully I'll be able to rise to this challenge I've set before myself and think next time I judge someone else in every situation, not just on parenting...
10 comments:
i'm with ya angie. my motto lately has been this: people don't usually CHOOSE to be miserable (even if it does mean they're making others miserable). they also don't usually CHOOSE for their children to be miserable.
on the flip side -- and just to play devil's advocate, i do sometimes make a face at chris when people allow their children to hurt siblings or other kids. more power to ya if you want to let them rip one another's hair out en su casa, but please spare the rest of us your war of the wee ones. what do you think? I do agree that the folks might be worn out, but can we draw the line at kid on kid violence? inquiring minds...
That's like my friend that was asked to leave a resturaunt in Colorado b/c her kid was screaming (more like a screech, not a yell). He's eleven months old! The manager told her she was getting complaints (from a table of two) so my friend left (with her table of fifteen!)
You are kidding me. I bet that manager is 19 and has never even been around a baby. Gaush.
Kate, (read in a sarcastic tone) I love sibling violence. My sister and I used to claw each others arms off in front of my friends. I also have hit my brother so hard he almost stopped breathing. We're all very sweet to each other now...but I KNOW we got on our friend's nerves. Just read their comments in the near future about it. :) (candice, back me up here)
I don't know what happened to us because I know my mom got onto us and gave us the "you're so lucky to have a sister" speech but we still fought constantly. We were the kids you are talking about. ha!
I still have the scars on my arms to prove it. Jerk.
I agree with you. I use to be one of those people who would get annoyed with crying kids in church... until Thomas came along and then I would shoot out of there so fast if he even looked like he was about to get fussy (when he was a newborn). Now I wait a little while to see if I can calm him before making a b-line for the door. I'm glad you guys came to his birthday party today. What would Thomas do if his gal weren't there on his big day.
oh don't get me wrong. my brother and i had HUGE fights. and to this day he loves to do his trick where he uses one finger to lower me to the ground and pin me there in agony. but if johnny smacks susie across the face and mom doesn't even say "hey johnnie, hit her a little softer next time" -- that's when i gotta make a face. i just gotta.
tammie - that restaurant story is a classic. what a maroon!
Yes..it was hard to be amongst such carrying-on. Especially when the fighting was usually over me :)!
Really, it has been a maturing process for me to realize that there are different ways to parent. And that's not to say I agree with everything other parents do, but I've just let go of the responsibility of judging others' choices. I've realized that some things just aren't that big of a deal.
I am going to tell you exactly what to do with Miss Nora. She needs to be a Siggie and marry Ryan Thomas. So stick that in your hat.
Seriously...you are a wonderful mom and you do what is best for you and Nora. Beth Abraham gave me this really great book about raising kids and their health and the chapter on month five starts out "you may have realized by now that no set way works for every baby." It sure was good to see that in print!
Yeah, well I'm tired of looking at your soapbox...
This is an AWESOME soap box blog. I guess I'm a little late on reading it, but I agree. This was really hard for me in grad school, since I "taught" parenting classes before I had kids. At that time, in my naivety, I would think, are you stupid that you don't know how to do this or that with your kids? But, now, that I have the perspective of having children, that has changed by lightyears.
My grad professor always said "Every parent is doing the best they can with what they have. They are using the tools that they think, after much consideration, work for their family. Our hope is to give them even more effective ones." (when counseling a family). He was always good at helping us not to judge a family or a parent but to understand where they're coming from. Anyway, GREAT POST, Ang!
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